Among my favorite of his aphorisms:
Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
Congress tells a joke and it becomes law. Congress passes laws and they're jokes.
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
If stupidity got us in this mess, why can't it get us out?
Thanksgiving Day! In the days of our founders, they were willing to give thanks for mighty little, for mighty little was all they expected. ... Those old boys in the Fall of the year, if they could gather a few pumpkins, potatoes and some corn for the Winter, they was in a thanking mood. But if we can't gather in a new car, a new radio, a new tuxedo and some Government relief, we feel like the world is agin' us.